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Perhaps because Halloween ghosts and goblins were everywhere and trick or treat just a few days away–who knows?–but mortality leaped into the conversation in my kitchen on a recent weekend morning.\u00a0 Of all things, it grew out of a session making pumpkin bread, a fall breakfast favorite with Buddy and Sis.<\/p>\n
G-ma makes no apologies here to serious bakers for cheating with a pumpkin bread box mix from Trader Joe\u2019s, a handy option that\u2019s extra appealing when small, aspiring cooks want in on the action.\u00a0Buddy, who at seven easily reads cooking instructions on the side of the box, latched on immediately to the concept of the fractions listed, along with their corresponding markers on the measuring cups.\u00a0 With the careful, studious intent that is his general modus operandi, he measured and poured the oil and water into the bowl, enjoying the little flour cloud that rose with a satisfying puff when he dumped the dry mix into the bowl of the liquids.\u00a0Sis, an earnest competitor when armed with a big wooden spoon, plunged onto the scene in time to seize a first turn at the blending and stirring of the batter. \u00a0As soon as I wasn\u2019t looking, the sound of lip-smacking told its own tale, as she shared congenially with her brother the occasional nips of batter from the spoon\u2019s edge.<\/p>\n
Stirring, sniffing, and sampling escalated anticipation about the ultimate product at a rapid rate, because pretty soon Buddy declared, \u201cI think we should have pumpkin bread at Evie\u2019s house every time FOREVER.\u201d<\/p>\n
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These two love to work in the kitchen.<\/p><\/div>\n
My back still turned as I wrangled a tray of bacon at the hot stove, I heard Sis reply with marked nonchalance, \u201cYeah, we can do that for a while, but then she\u2019ll die.\u201d<\/p>\n
The bacon tray clattered loudly on the stovetop, mercifully containing its sizzling grease when I released it involuntarily and whirled around to face the children at their workstation at the end of the counter.\u00a0 What did you say?\u00a0 I asked her, stunned and wondering if I had heard it correctly.\u00a0 I must have raised my voice in sheer surprise, because she instantly burst into tears, droplets gushing down her flushed cheeks at a rate that would soon have salted the waiting batter below.\u00a0 \u201cI want my mommy!\u201d\u00a0 she wailed.<\/p>\n
I instantly encircled her in both arms as she stood frozen on the stool she requires to reach the countertop.\u00a0 No, no, don\u2019t cry, I begged, fervently wishing I could whack the top of my head with some hard object and jolt myself into greater sensitivity. It\u2019s OK, I didn\u2019t mean what you said was wrong!\u00a0 You\u2019re right, someday I will die.\u00a0 Everyone does.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK for you to say that, because it\u2019s true.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t cry, I repeated, immediately fearing that what I\u2019d just said could make it worse. \u00a0At five, would she understand what any of it meant?<\/p>\n
When the sobbing de-escalated to deeply offended sniffles, I released her and stepped back to wipe her face as her brother put his arm around her shoulders in comradely support.\u00a0 Striving for a relaxed, easy tone, I still couldn\u2019t stifle my curiosity.\u00a0 It\u2019s OK that you said that, Sis, really, I resumed.\u00a0 But what made you think it?\u00a0 Nervously, I pawed at my cheek, wondering if I looked unusually pale, or had dark circles under my eyes, or was notably overdue at hiding the gray roots above.\u00a0 Had I conveyed some hint I might be sick?\u00a0 Had someone she knew died recently, and I hadn\u2019t been prepared to acknowledge it?\u00a0 I remembered when they had to be told their beloved dog had died, but was there something else?<\/p>\n
This jarring little exchange sent me scampering for expert resources a few hours later, after the children had gone home.\u00a0 Interestingly, a few simple keywords and clicks yield lots of literature with recommendations for talking to children about death when it occurs, with helpful specifics about tailoring the approach to the appropriate developmental stage. But I found little to explain what a five-year-old actually comprehends when she suddenly predicts the profound but abstract concept of death for one of the more\u2014ahem\u2014senior people in her life.\u00a0 A 2013 piece in Psychology Today<\/a>*<\/em>, for example, had this to say:<\/p>\n \u201cChildren,\u00a0between 5 and 9 years old<\/em>, who do acknowledge the permanence and inevitability of death see it as something that only applies to older adults. Some children who have an incomplete understanding of death often will fill in gaps in understanding with fantasy elements (often taken from the media). Furthermore, because they do not think abstractly, some young children do not understand the causality of death.\u201d<\/p>\n Hmmmm.\u00a0 After hearing Sis so calmly forecasting my inevitable demise after countless iterations of pumpkin bread, I\u2019m not sure I buy the part that kids her age \u201cdon\u2019t think abstractly.” \u00a0Nevertheless, I can only hope life spares her and her brother the need to explore this further for several years to come.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, back at the kitchen counter, Sis took a few deep cleansing breaths and resumed her stirring, seemingly unable to answer my question.\u00a0 I sought a lighter, diversionary tactic.<\/p>\n Do you really think I\u2019m that old?\u00a0 I asked with a wink, a smile, and clearly teasing tone.\u00a0Unsure if this was a trap, she kept her eyes on the fragrant, speckled pumpkin batter, sniffed once more, and asked, tentatively, \u201cWell, how old are you?\u201d<\/p>\n In a couple of weeks, I\u2019ll be 62, I answered with more cheer than my soul may have actually contained, hearing that number out loud and still watching her face.<\/p>\n She widened her eyes but remained uncertain how to respond, so her brother stepped helpfully into the gap. Perhaps his turn with the batter spoon inspired some deep-seated optimism.<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d he nodded, adding knowledgeably, \u201cthen I think you could live another couple of years.\u201d<\/p>\n Well, thank goodness.\u00a0 And with that, it seemed best to change the subject and move on to stuff the warm, waiting oven with its pumpkin-flavored prize.<\/p>\n Ready for trick or treat!<\/p><\/div>\n ——————————————————————————————————————————<\/p>\n *\u201d How Do Children Comprehend the Concept of Death?\u201d\u00a0by James A. Graham, Ph.D., Psychology Today<\/em>, 2013.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Perhaps because Halloween ghosts and goblins were everywhere and trick or treat just a few days away–who knows?–but mortality leaped into the conversation in my kitchen on a recent weekend morning.\u00a0 Of all things, it grew out of a session making pumpkin bread, a fall breakfast favorite with Buddy and Sis. G-ma makes no apologies […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1447,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[79,80,81,82],"class_list":["post-1360","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-grandkids","tag-children-and-death","tag-children-cooking","tag-halloween","tag-understanding-death"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1360","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1360"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1360\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1447"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1360"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1360"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1360"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"IMG_7533.jpg\"](\"https:\/\/gmaoldsite.wpengine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/IMG_7533-3671430045-1541637636987.jpg?ssl=1&w=370\")