{"id":2224,"date":"2019-11-16T15:42:14","date_gmt":"2019-11-16T15:42:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/?p=2224"},"modified":"2019-11-18T03:00:41","modified_gmt":"2019-11-18T03:00:41","slug":"remember-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/remember-this\/","title":{"rendered":"Remember This"},"content":{"rendered":"

Is grandparenting is a joy like no other? Just ask a G., but only if you have plenty of time on your hands, because chances are you won\u2019t get away quickly.\u00a0 In the age of social media, you could choke on all the evidence, drown in endless photos of beautiful small people indulged by Gs at opulent birthday parties, proud Gs in worshipful attendance at school sporting events, and on it goes.\u00a0 Great stuff, we are meant to think, and in most cases, it\u2019s probably true.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another fact you won\u2019t see in those photos:\u00a0 Sometimes grandparenting is really, really hard. You probably can\u2019t spot it next to Mickey Mouse at Disney World or inside the travel camper, but this G-ma had to admit it to herself the other day, just the same.<\/p>\n

The grandkids may be perfect and beautiful and brilliant and hilarious\u2014again, just ask the nearest G\u2014but they are still just children.\u00a0 That means they get hungry, and cranky, and tired, and disagreeable, and all the other things that are part of kids being kids, even around their doting grandparents.<\/p>\n

For me, the line is pretty clear between what is cheerfully borne without sweat from the grandkids, and what constitutes a dog that won\u2019t hunt, as we like to say in the South.\u00a0 If you are lucky enough to get lots of time with them when they are really little, like I was, and especially if your adult\/kid ratio is like mine (one G per two G-kids), you better learn quickly to loosen up on the anxiety or die.\u00a0 So, the No-Sweat List is pretty long.\u00a0 It includes things like crumbs on the couch\/rug\/countertop\/bathroom sink\/dog\u2019s back, failure to flush the toilet, average-object breakage, pajamas under a couch cushion, categorical rejection of certain menu items, bedtime avoidance, bed-wetting (distant history here), waking G-ma in the middle of the night, crayon marks on the table, high-decibel shrieking after the neighborhood has quieted for the evening, and\u2026I could go on, but you get the picture.\u00a0 These things are the standard hues of childhood, the tiny trophies of time spent together, easily done and just as easily mended, usually not worth even the raised eyebrow.\u00a0My Buddy and Sis are better than average about many of these items, probably worse than some on a few, and over time, it all shakes out. No sweat.<\/p>\n

Topping the list of Dogs that Don\u2019t Hunt at G-ma\u2019s house is sibling arguments.\u00a0 These fights are one of two, maybe three things total that make me break a G-sweat when dealing with these children.\u00a0 After 2-3 attempts to achieve resolution and standard negotiations at the peace table have stalled, G-ma may fail to be her loving, doting, no-sweat self.\u00a0 When the patience is gone, sometimes it\u2019s just, well, gone.<\/p>\n

I spoke sharply to the children a few days ago, on about the 40th\u00a0<\/sup>time I told them to separate and stop arguing, after failing to negotiate an enforceable, fact-based peace treaty with what in my line of work we call \u201cissues management.\u201d\u00a0 With my success rate firmly rooted at zero and threatening to sink further South, I raised my voice and barked:\u00a0 HEY!\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to tell you guys again.\u00a0 YOU! Sit over there, in that chair, keep your hands to yourself and stop whining about your brother.\u00a0 You! STOP provoking her.\u00a0 You are old enough to know better.\u00a0 I\u2019m disappointed in both of you.\u00a0 I MEAN IT.\u00a0ENOUGH!<\/p>\n

Silence fell.\u00a0 Wounded souls manifested themselves painfully on flushed faces.\u00a0 I let the seriousness of the moment simmer for a few age-long moments, then proposed a diversionary activity, and we turned our attention elsewhere.<\/p>\n

Still, I hated it.\u00a0 Sis generally faces life\u2019s travails head-on like a charging bison, lets the emotions flow freely, then motors on confidently to her next adventure.\u00a0 Buddy, on the other hand, is what the immortal P.G. Wodehouse called a sensitive plant. \u00a0He struggles to let things go, lingering over hurt feelings and misunderstandings, his own or those perceived in others.\u00a0 You can see the evidence all over his face.<\/p>\n

I sought to mitigate with a respectful, adult-conversation approach, one arm around his thin little shoulders.\u00a0In so many things, Buddy is wise beyond his years. \u201cYou know,\u201d I said, doing my best not to condescend to his age, \u201cfamilies sometimes get into arguments.\u00a0 Things are said, and feelings get hurt.\u00a0 We have to work through those and move on.\u00a0 Do you understand?\u201d\u00a0 He nodded, but wouldn\u2019t look me in the eye, then wriggled away.<\/p>\n

Drained of diplomacy, I called for jackets, shoes, and dog leash. We made a break for the outdoors and the healing fresh air of a sunny, late fall day.\u00a0 \u00a0There\u2019s a charming little lake with fountains hidden in the middle of our little community, and on this afternoon, the resident flock of Canadian geese were reveling in the weather and demonstrating some comical fishing maneuvers.\u00a0 We dropped into the grass near the water\u2019s edge to watch the show, and the siblings took turns playing with my cellphone camera to capture the action\u2014surprisingly, I noted, settling amicably on turns with the camera and who was doing what in front of the lens. Who knows why these fights come and go so quickly, like summer cloudbursts? It\u2019s not for adults to know, I guess.\"\"<\/p>\n

I watched them chatter and laugh and tried to shake off my guilt for losing my patience. I said, \u201cSomeday when you think back on the time you spent here, promise me you\u2019ll remember this part.\u00a0 Remember that we walked around the lake and watched the geese fishing and laughed at them flopping over in the water, tail-butt feathers pointed skyward.\u00a0 Remember that you stuffed your pockets and hood with pine cones and golden leaves and took turns holding the dog leash and ran ahead of me just because you could.\u00a0 Remember this before you remember that I fussed at you and hurt your feelings and had to be stern even when it broke my heart to do it.\u00a0 Promise me you\u2019ll remember this part first.\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t say it out loud, of course.\u00a0 I just sang it out inside my head, where hope lives, loud enough for them to hear it in their hearts, some distant, sunny fall day when I am gone and they are remembering.<\/p>\n

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Is grandparenting is a joy like no other? Just ask a G., but only if you have plenty of time on your hands, because chances are you won\u2019t get away quickly.\u00a0 In the age of social media, you could choke on all the evidence, drown in endless photos of beautiful small people indulged by Gs […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":2225,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[130,129,131],"class_list":["post-2224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-grandkids","tag-grandkids-fighting","tag-grandparenting","tag-patient-grandparents"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2224"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2224\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2225"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}