![\"\"](\"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/lis1-1024x763.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
The status of grandmother was bestowed on me six years ago last month.\u00a0 Oddly, it didn\u2019t come with a manual.\u00a0 Though it is surely one of life’s richest blessings, I\u2019m still trying to figure out how to do it.<\/p>\n
There must be others out there who, like me, feel so different from grandmothers of earlier generations that it is ironic to even use the same title.<\/p>\n
After all, look how the role of women has changed in our culture in the last few decades.\u00a0 Neither of my grandmothers worked outside the home.\u00a0 Their parents died younger, and I have no memories of any of my great-grandparents.\u00a0 They had lifelong partners, enduring marriages of five decades or longer.<\/p>\n
In 2017, it\u2019s a different picture for many women whose kids have kids.\u00a0 Having just entered my seventh decade, I\u2019m still a working professional, with miles to go before retirement is visible on the horizon.\u00a0 I\u2019m a single woman, looking after myself and striving to maintain a social life at the same time.\u00a0 My precious mother is, thank heavens, still with us at 86, so I strive to stretch my time across four generations of family.\u00a0 And many of them are 200 miles away.<\/p>\n
![\"Mom](\"https:\/\/gmaoldsite.wpengine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/mom-stirring-applesauce-june-2016.jpg\")
My mom taught us to make homemade applesauce.\u00a0 I hope I get to pass that technique on.<\/p><\/div>\n
My grandmothers occupy such large places of love and respect in my memories, but can I be to my grandchildren what they were to us?\u00a0 Not likely.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
My maternal grandmother often wore an apron, and could roast the most beautiful chicken any chef every claimed.\u00a0 She came to visit for working trips, joining my mother in the kitchen for the all-day process of cooking country ham, and she patiently hemmed and mended hand-me-downs.\u00a0 She was a crackerjack card player, demonstrating tactics that belied her gentle demeanor.\u00a0 I liked attending her church, because its rituals were open to \u201call who believed\u201d and not restricted to those who completed some class or ritual declaration.\u00a0 That meant that a child could share in the communion celebration with the adults.<\/p>\n
My paternal grandmother was a stunning, petite blonde who stayed beautiful as she aged.\u00a0 She had elegant taste, a fine wardrobe, and the manners of an accomplished socialite.\u00a0 That included certain standards that were not to be compromised, and when they were, hell might demand the settlement of accounts. \u00a0She hosted elegant parties that required dressing just so, and my mother prepared us carefully.\u00a0 \u00a0If my grandfather told raucous jokes at dinner and enjoying himself too much in his cups, she registered disapproval by threatening to leave the room—and when he didn\u2019t behave, she vanished.\u00a0 No shrinking violet, that one.<\/p>\n
Is any of that a heritage I can pass on?<\/p>\n
Elegant parties?\u00a0 I like to set a nice table, and I have china and lovely dining treasures from both of them.\u00a0 But my holiday dinners are more likely to be thrown together in the wee hours the night before, after a 50-hour work week.\u00a0 By the time the guests arrive, I\u2019m lucky if I remembered to shower and put on lipstick.\u00a0 I would love to learn to cook a country ham myself.\u00a0 But one has to weigh a whole day invested against the convenience of buying it cooked from one of the fine Kentucky purveyors, of which there are many.<\/p>\n
Teach my kids how to maintain a home, how to get spots out, one of many of my mother\u2019s great aptitudes? Don\u2019t be silly.\u00a0 Not long ago, I asked my extremely handy son-in-law to tighten the handle on a finicky kitchen faucet.\u00a0 Got mildly irritated when I noticed him stockstill in the middle of the kitchen, staring intently at his phone.\u00a0 Don\u2019t they ever put the dang things down?\u00a0 That was before I realized he was watching a You Tube video about repair of not just any faucet, but THAT faucet.\u00a0 The next generation doesn\u2019t need our knowledge.\u00a0 They get it from strangers, on a tiny glass screen.<\/p>\n
So what CAN we offer?\u00a0 After six years, here are some intentions I have set (as the yoga teacher calls it).\u00a0 The important things, it seems, are less about the hands and more about the mind and heart. They are not necessarily new to this generation, but perhaps take on a different hue in today\u2019s times.<\/p>\n
We can show up<\/strong>.\u00a0 When they are older and look back on important days in their lives, I hope it means something if I was there.\u00a0 So getting there is the goal.\u00a0 Other things can wait.<\/p>\n We can listen<\/strong>.\u00a0 The world is roaring with noise and distractions that defeat good conversation.\u00a0 Yet communication defines our relationships.\u00a0 If my grandkids have something to say, I want them to know I am interested in hearing it.<\/p>\n We can ask questions<\/strong>.\u00a0 What happened at school today?\u00a0 What\u2019s that book about? I want Buddy and Sis to know I\u2019m interested in their observations and ideas, their kiddie jokes, their fears.\u00a0 Their parents are good talkers, wonderful at encouraging the kids to express themselves and talk through things.\u00a0 But it takes a village.<\/p>\n We can show mercy<\/strong>.\u00a0 A while back at a family meal, my daughter relayed a story about a particularly trying episode with Sis a few days before.\u00a0 Absorbing the details of this transgression, I turned to notice Sis watching me intently, brow furrowed with anxiety as she awaited my reaction.\u00a0 I support the parents in their excellent standards for discipline\u2014but there was no need here to extend the sentence already rendered by the court.\u00a0 Sis\u2019 little map flooded with relief when I returned her gaze, winked at her, and changed the subject.<\/p>\n We can offer sanctuary<\/strong>.\u00a0 It\u2019s a tough world out there, getting tougher.\u00a0 Buddy and Sis are lucky to be happy and safe in their home, but when they need another place to be encouraged, empathized with, or just to raid the cabinet for snacks, my door can be open.<\/p>\n At six, our Buddy is an intense thinker, progressing through reason and root cause and relevance at an astonishing clip.\u00a0 Thoughts tumble out so quickly I struggle to keep pace, but I do my best.\u00a0 He also seems to pick up particular turns of phrase that linger for a period in the Lexicon of Buddy.\u00a0 He repeated one of those multiple times over dinner not long ago.\u00a0 \u201cEvie,\u201d he kept asking, \u201cCan I tell you something?\u201d<\/p>\n Yes, Buddy.\u00a0 You bet.\u00a0 I might not get it, and it won\u2019t be long before you are so much smarter than I will ever be.\u00a0 But I am listening.\u00a0 Tell me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The status of grandmother was bestowed on me six years ago last month.\u00a0 Oddly, it didn\u2019t come with a manual.\u00a0 Though it is surely one of life’s richest blessings, I\u2019m still trying to figure out how to do it. There must be others out there who, like me, feel so different from grandmothers of earlier […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1847,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aging-parents","category-grandkids","category-mid-life-adventures"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/924","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=924"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/924\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1847"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gmachronicles.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}